Team: Rob Eavis, Jon Pemberton, Joe Buck, Alex Ried
Written by Alex
If you think the title is the peak of unoriginality, wait until you read the rest. A couple of months ago Rob had an episode as a broken tape recorder stuck on: Are you single, Are you German, Are you coming to Cussey. Apparently I led him on about the first one, which Jon says really isn’t very nice. The Eldon were known to me for pushing shit promising digs, and as I had my own shit enticing digs to pursue I couldn’t be arsed with 2h of driving for an evening session. But after being stuck in quarantine for two weeks in Munich I probably would’ve crawled through a sewer just to get underground.
That’s how I found myself legging it from work to make my way up the M1 and to the Eyam Dogging Society meeting point. Miraculously I was the first one to arrive, but was soon joined by Rob, Joe and Jon. Being woefully underprepared, it was fortunate that Joe had a beer for me. There was some discussion over wetsuit vs. furry, I normally overheat so went with a furry. So did Jon, whereas Rob and Joe opted for wetsuits – thus ensuring they’d be the ones digging in the slop. I had no idea what awaited me, and was slightly worried at the mentioning of tight bits and warned Rob I didn’t fit through the Freeze Squeeze. He then proclaimed he didn’t even touch the ceiling on the way to Derbyshire Hall. What a dick. After a long and arduous journey to the cave entrance Jon and Joe disappeared and Rob stayed behind to babysit me. Quick pitch/ slide down to a traverse, shout up to Rob to make sure I was going the right way, and then just followed the draught and sounds of the other two. The general appearance of the cave is complex with highly textured rock, as opposed to say sth. formed in deep/ lagoonal limestone. Good amount of calcite, too.
Classic Cussey Pre-Beers, by JonP
Psyched Alex, by RobE
A constricted rift that I just knew would be an arse on the way back up lead to the squeeze, which didn’t look too horrendous so I tried it with SRT kit on first. Nope. Then undid my central and shoved it to the side, had a good wriggle, but something kept getting caught. In the end I just took my kit off and wriggled through; it’s not outrageously tight (maybe Long Churn Cheese Press tight but a lot shorter?) but I wouldn’t complain about a cap or two in the right place to make it more accommodating for us fatties. Another little pitch down soon leads to the head of Inglorious Bastards, and soon we all de-kitted at the bottom. Loperamide Lust is a convenient downhill slide for the most part, but also includes some fairly wet crawling with a nice ear-wetter at the end. The side light on my helmet did an excellent job of pushing my head underwater, and like an idiot I must’ve left my eye open and got a nice load of grit in it. The way on through mine workings and then natural again quickly lead to the dig where we assumed our positions. Rob was bursting for a piss in his wetsuit, but Joe didn’t fancy digging in Rob’s piss so took the first shift in the slop at the front, Rob behind him, me at a corner in the passage hauling, and Jon at the junction emptying drag trays. And so we spent an entertaining two hours or so chatting and hauling, Joe and Rob definitely had the hard work whereas I’ve had the most relaxing digging session I can remember. The mud and water quickly combined to form something comparable to drilling fluid which gives the drag tray great buoyancy. Jon and I had a nice chat, one of the gems I recall was on the topic of running: Rob proclaimed all fell runners joggers, to which I said “Well, if you had to lug 85kg up the hill you wouldn’t be going any faster, either.”, followed by Jon’s: “85kg?! What are you made of, lead?”. Over that we discovered that Jon and myself both sink like a rock when put in water. Best stick to caving, really.
Joe and Rob swapped places so Rob could finally have his wee, and eventually Jon and myself started to feel a bit chilly which coincided with Rob having a small breakthrough of a few metres and then deciding to stop and have a rethink for next week. Rob and Joe both proclaimed how “absolutely perfect” their temperature was thanks to the wetsuits, which drew a supportive: “I hope you cook on the way out” from Jon and me. The way back through Loperamide Lust is a bit more engaging than the way down, on account of trying to work your way up a greased slide. I definitely learned from my mistake going through the duck on the way in, so instead of pushing the right side of my face underwater and getting loads of grit in my eye I went for the left side this time.
Joe lobbed some nice rocks down the Inglorious pitch, one of which got quite a bit closer to me than I would’ve liked. After Rob Jon headed out to warm up, but promised to wait at the squeeze, which turned out to be better on the way out but I still didn’t fit through with SRT kit on. Having undone my central the harness decided to strip itself, so by the time I was through it was dangling from my ankles. Didn’t exactly distinguish myself in the stempled rift section either, which took me a good amount of upwards wriggling. Internally I excused that with not being familiar with the cave, and it is true that these sections get easier the more often you do them. Just the final clamber up to the lid, and out into the surprisingly warm night. Rob and Joe were fully de-kitted, so set off for The Moon to keep it open whilst we washed our stuff in the sewer.
All that was left was a pleasant debrief in the pub where I was treated to a pint – my 2nd free beer of the evening, now I’ll have to come back for at least one trip to repay the favour. We also had a good moan about sub-par pork scratchings and then went our separate ways into the night. Great first trip of the year!
Joe happy with his wetsuit choice, by RobE
Hats off to the Moon for letting this in, by JonP